A HeeJake Oneshot AU.
Starring Nathaniel (Jke) and Levon (Hee). An AU inspired by Ariana’s We Can’t Be Friends (Wait For Your Love).
The heart of two beings. One, the younger, tried to reach out, asking for the chance to hold the older’s heart once, lovingly, with so much affection and passion. But the older was unable to give what the younger asked.
Nathan has been pathetically stuck inside his room. Unable to move around with his heart being the main issue of his questionable behavior.
It has been two days since the last party he came to. A party being held by the owner of his heart, Levon. For sure he was invited to the party, considering the fact that Levon treated him as his best friend, glued to each other under the label of friendship.
Truly, a onesided love never hurt this much for Nathan. He’s been through so many of it, but only god knows why this one hurts him more than anything. As if his heart was torn to pieces, just for no one to be able to help. Just for no one to be able to fix what was broken.
He felt like rotting inside his bed. Thinking of every single time spent together with Levon in his own apartment. Laughter and warmth filling up the atmosphere, bringing them to comfort and joy. As if the world belongs to them, and no one else.
Oh how Nathan missed those moments. Missed those times they were together, even if they’re nothing more. Not even boyfriends.
He shook his head, getting rid of the thoughts. He promised to himself, to never let their friendship break apart. He promised to himself, to keep everything deep inside his heart, to an extent where no one could reach- or even he himself couldn’t reach.
It’s monday. And this monday seemed to be much more of a burden to him. Lazily walking to his closet, picking his clothes, just to end up seeing Levon’s hoodie being left neat on the bottom of his closet. Those memories, of Levon telling him to keep his hoodie instead of giving it back.
He facepalmed himself, rubbing it roughly with his own hands and stressfully stroked his hair back. He needed to get his shit together.
Ping!
He heard his phone’s notification. Knowing for sure it would be him, Levon, texting him. Or it may be not?
With his clothes on his arm, his messy hair staying unbothered, he reached out for his phone on the nightstand. Sighing even harder when he saw who it was.
“Oh come on..”
It truly is Levon. Never once in his live, Levon forgot to pick him up. Giving him the special treatment no one ever received from the well-known man, Levon Hart.
He really took his time, getting himself ready. Making sure that his eyebags aren’t visible. His swollen eyes due to the continuous tears falling down. Simply hiding the broken heart he’s been through. Letting himself bury the suffering underneath the surface of sanity.
“You took so long..”
The moment he got into Levon’s car, Levon bragged about him taking too long and the only reaction he gave was a chuckle. Shaking his head in response. Couldn’t get himself to raise his head, facing the insanely gorgeous carved-like man.
“You said you’ll wait tho.”
“I did.. Well, never mind. It’s you that I’m waiting though. Can we go now?”
“Sure.”
His heart won’t calm down. He can’t keep pretending, can he? Those words being spoken by Levon, he took it to his heart. Him that Levon’s waiting? Well he’s not wrong. But he couldn’t shake off the thought. He kept misunderstood the situation, the words, and the tension.
His heart clenched. Hurting as he felt his tears forming. He couldn’t bear this pain anymore. He wished to talk this out, only if he had the courage.
He closed his eyes, played back the memories of two nights before- where the two of them spent their lone time together on Levon’s balcony. Getting away from the croud of Levon’s party on the first floor.
;
“When will you be back to the party downstairs?”
With a chuckle, “I don’t know, Lev. Staring at the night sky seemed to be so much better.”
The two of them were resting their arms on the railing. Both staring at the beauty of the night, as if it was painted.
Everything felt so unreal, for Nathan of course. He could feel his heart thumping so loud that he’s concerned whether Levon will be able to hear it or not.
Spending the night with him a bit tipsy and having Levon beside him. Though they’ve done this often back at his apartment, this felt way more- tense. Cause he’s been planning on slightly telling Levon how he felt.
But he’s unsure. He fiddled with his finger, until Levon noticed.
“You’re okay? You kept fiddling with your fingers.”
“I guess?”
Levon had his eyes fixated on him. He couldn’t seem to take it. To take all the attention Levon had just for him tonight.
“Lev..”
“Hm?”
He had his head low, confidence vaporized together with the night breeze. The sound of music thumping against his head, the sound of his heartbeat rising, the sound of the night breeze and Levon’s unsteady breathing- everything seemed to be way too overwhelming and loud.
“What do you think of me?”
Levon tilted his head in confusion. Laughed as he kept his head facing Nathan. Not leaving it once, until he started to speak-
“You’re such a blessing that God gave me, Iel. God was so thoughtful of giving you as a friend of mine. Filling up my days with laughter and comfort. Whoever ends up with you, that girl must be lucky. Getting married to my best friend. A man of his words. A gentleman.”
His words were such a rollercoaster ride. Levon calling him Iel, a nickname that only Levon could call him. Saying that he’s a blessing, and saying that any girl would be lucky to have him; his best friend.
He felt his throat dry. He choked on his own tears. Holding it all back as he was hit by reality. He was nothing more than just a friend. Nothing more than a best friend that Levon is grateful of.
He couldn’t bother voicing out his feelings no more. His heart choose to have it buried, deep inside. And yet his brain told him otherwise.
“And I don’t think the word best friend is enough..”
“You’re right, Iel. We’re platonically soulmates.”
“Yeah.. It seemed so.” — If only he could say, “But that’s not what I meant, Lev.”
He choose to run away from reality. Giving Levon an excuse of him going to the bathroom-
“Thank you anyways. For the sincere words. I guess I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll excuse myself.”
“Why’d you have to excuse yourself? You can go as you wish.”
He chuckled, “Right.”
He locked himself in a place where he could cry to his heart’s content. Lifting all the burden, the words that has been choked down his throat, with all the tears that silently poured down his cheeks. Sobbing quietly as he crouched himself on the corner of the bathroom.
He fucked up. He fucked his heart up. He should’ve pretend as if his feelings were never there. He should’ve kept it all by himself. He shouldn’t have brought up this topic, even when he knew he’ll be the one hurting. He’s such an idiot.
Of course he only misunderstood. Of course every single thing Levon did was simply because Levon adored him as a friend. Of course whatever Levon said was to made him feel worthy- as a friend.
We can’t be friends
but I’d like to just pretend.
He wiped all his tears. Not knowing how long he’s been crying inside this bathroom.
As he stood up in front of the mirror and saw how miserable he looked. A hopeless romantic. Crying to his heart’s content in his crush’s bathroom. In his crush’s party.
He had his face washed, and when the water touched his face, he was hit back to reality. To the fact that he’s sitting inside Levon’s car. On their way together to go to class. With his left eye sheds a little bit of tear.
Wiping it quick, he continued on fixing his gaze outside the window. They were coated with silence the whole way. He doesn’t even bother to let out a word. Letting all the gloom consume his heart.
Wait for your love
Love, I’ll wait for your love.
Only for Levon to start holding his hand, giving it as an act of comforting- since he realized how odd Nathan’s been acting.
Just to give his heart more than pain, restlessly hurting and breaking into fragments. With more of his eyes burning. Fighting back the urge to broke apart.
God bless him for keeping his truest hidden.
